Every woman needs a life coach and here is why!

Hello friends! Welcome back to the Blog! Let’s get right into .

Why do women hire life coaches?

Self Confidence:

There are a million and 1 reasons why women choose to hire life coaches, and here is a BIG reason: to gain self-confidence. As a life coach, this is what I do with every coaching session. I help women gain and strengthen their self-confidence. You might say that it’s a pretty broad statement, and it is, but let me give you some specific examples.

I can completely relate if you have ever Googled “how to increase my self-confidence”. I used to do this A LOT! Once I even emailed (my now coach) Brooke Castillo’s team asking if she can do podcasts on self-confidence, trusting yourself, and self-image. I was so hungry for knowledge as you might be too. I consumed and over-consumed until one day I finally learned that self-confidence is built like a brick house. You lay one brick at a time to build a wall and then a corner and then 6-12 months later, you have an entire house. (I don’t actually know how long it takes to build a brick house, but you get the point. 🙂

In our case, the bricks are thoughts we think and actions we take. Thoughts such as:

“I am working on it”, as opposed to, “I don’t know how”.

“It’s coming together”, as opposed to, “I don’t see any results”.

“I can already see small changes”, as opposed to, “This doesn’t work”.

Notice that when you think a neutral or positive thought, you take ownership for the work as well as pave the way for your results to come to you. When you think negative thoughts, you look outside of yourself for results, and in essence blame the Universe/the world around you for not bringing you success. You hold something or someone else responsible for the actions.

The truth is, it is our job to take the actions.

They lead to our result: self-confidence.

Here is an example from a young child’s perspective:

You give a child a complex task to complete such as put away the dishwasher, clean the bedroom, put away toys, etc. Depending on the child’s age, these can be complex results for them to achieve because they involve several steps. For the sake of our example, let’s imagine that the child is 9-10 years old.

He goes to his room and is overwhelmed by thoughts of: there is so much to do. I can’t figure this out. It will take too long. I don’t know how to do it. Where do I put this stuff. It’s too much stuff. Why can’t someone help me. I didn’t make all this mess.

He comes back to you (or most likely whines/cries from his room) and says, “I can’t do it! It’s too hard!” or “Can I do it later”?

He doesn’t have confidence in his ability to pick up his room or even know what is means to clean his room. So as a parent you take this moment to teach him and help him build confidence in his ability to carry out a complex task.

You go with him to his room and do the following:

1. Make a paper list of what needs to be done to “clean the room”. This way you are defining what it means to clean their room and teach them HOW to do it by writing it down.

A) Make a pile of dirty laundry.

B) Throw trash away.

C) Take all toys out of the bed and put the sheet and comforter on the be flat. Put the pillow at the head of the bed and neatly sit all the stuffed animals back on the bed.

D) Put trains, planes and automobiles in on basket. Put the action figures and other hard toys in another basket. Put the legos in a different basket.

E) Take dirty clothes to the laundry room

DONE!

Now you tape this list on his door and take a picture of his room the way that it is. The very next day when his room needs to be clean again, tell him to look a the picture and do the things on the list that you both did the day before.

In a week, he’ll be able to clean his room without looking at the list or the picture.

Voila! You’ve taught him to have confidence in himself to clean his room!

Is he going to get it right every single time? No.

Is is going to whine and complain that he can’t or doesn’t want to do it, etc.? Yes.

How can you help him in those cases and what’s really going on?

You say: Jonny, I know you know how to clean your room confidently. I know you know how to do it. So what’s really going on here? It’s not a matter of ability or confidence for you, there must be something else going on. What is it? Let’s figure it out.

Johnny might say: I really don’t want to, mama. I know how to do it, but I just don’t feel like it.

You say: Ahhh! I got you! There is another lesson to be learned here. You haven’t learned how to do things when you DON’T want to do them. No problem. I can teach you that skill too.

And then you proceed to teach him the skill of follow-through, of acting on his knowledge and thinking thoughts that will help me move forward and build a life-long skill.

You essentially coach your child through this step to help him realize that we can change our feelings but first processing them and then choosing a different thought to produce a different feeling.

With practice, you teach him to apply this to every area of his life.

NOW let’s tackle laundry! LOL

How can we apply the same strategy to ourselves?

Here’s what we do (without a super lengthly example):

1. You focus on ONE area of your life to help you build confidence. Don’t tackle every area of your life to learn something new because it can be a recipe for failure (you are more likely to give up on your goal). For example: Limiting your social media usage.
2. You WRITE everything that needs to be done in that area of your life from an objective point of view. Don’t be judgmental here. For example: A) Create a corner in your home where you can leave your phone. B) Set a timer to check your emails and notifications once every hour to start with and then maybe once every two to four hours. C) Make a list of things to do when you feel like reaching for your phone-stretch, get a glass of water, apply your lipgloss, comb your hair, dust, empty the trash-can, etc. D) Every time you checked your email, replied, and put the phone back, put a tally on a piece of paper or drop a bead in a jar to give yourself a visual of the progress you are making. Count the tallies or the beads by the end of the week and write a short reflective paragraph on the progress you make.
3. Go after one task at a time.
4. When doubt gets in the way or you simply don’t feel like it, have a Contingency Plan in place: Letter C above gives you a few ways to do this. I want to add one more to this list: Count the tallies or the beads in your jar and read your paragraph from the week before. You will immediately get a boost of confidence in your ability to keep moving forward toward your goal to limit mindless social media scrolling.

This is a simplified example of course. As your life coach, I help you create this system for your goals so that you can go pre-prepared into goal achievement.

My Mindset Reset Course is PERFECT for this purpose.

At the end of the day, we want to FEEL and BE in control of our lives. We do this by building confidence in ourselves, in our ability to be in control of how we act and live our lives on a daily basis. To do this, we start with a small step, and we build on it strategically. As your life coach, I am here to help you come up with the strategy and manage your mindset to help you gain traction on your goal.

Does this resonate with you? If so, please connect with me and let’s get on a consultation call to see if life coaching is a good fit for you. I’d love to coach you and help you achieve your goals.

A happy and full-filled woman creates a happy and full-filled world!

I truly believe that for you and me!

With love,

Nilo